Are You Funding Your Children?(Why Not Invest?)

Some may say there’s no difference between the two and it’s just semantics, but there is so much more power behind our words than we sometimes thinks. 

If you’re a parent, I’m sure at some point you’ve at least thought, or most likely verbalized how much your children cost you. Many parent’s bank accounts are depleted and they’re run ragged and worn out. Am I right?

Our oldest child is graduating high school this year and preparing for college in the fall, the expenses are piling up with tuition, and living expenses. Our youngest daughter, is a figure skater, and plays almost all other high school sports, with the exception of basketball. Our son plays competitive hockey at the Peewee level, so if you’re finding your pocket book stretched I promise you, I empathize with you. 

We’ve just completed the winter season of sports, and most days our bank account is a bit depressing to look at, so my natural inclination when my kids ask for something more, is to complain and remind them how much they cost me. 

Recent studies show that 42% of Canadians list Financial concerns as their top stress factor, and we’ve all heard that most spousal arguments are over money or financial decisions. I know from experience that when cash flow is strained in our home, you can feel the tension rise. 

I don’t believe it’s wise to keep your children in a bubble from the real world, so it’s important for them to understand how to budget, how to live within your means, and how to deal with tough situations with regards to finances. 

The difference in terminology may seem slight, but a simple change in mindset from paying for your children’s activities to investing in them, can be life changing. Not only for you, but also for your child!  

You are making an investment into your own future, the future of your grand children, into the future of the world. Our children need to understand the difference. 

I fail in this area so often, but I believe these 5 points can help to ease the stress.

1. Inspire your children

There are so many ways you can inspire your children today without spending a fortune. We live in a country that has a broad range of programs to ensure our children can have access to arts, music, sports and education.

Do your research and get them into programs that inspire them. 

2. Stop complaining about how much it costs

This one is hard, and God knows I struggle with this, but our kids(although it’s true sometimes) should not be left to feel like they are a burden. 

Our children understand more than we give them credit for. Have an honest conversation with them about the costs associated to their activities, and maybe apologize for how you’ve made them feel. 

You might be surprised, and see a new passion and dedication to their chosen field. 

3. Joyfully remind them that you’re happy to invest

I believe it’s important for you to remind your child how happy you are to work on their behalf, and that you see the long term benefits of their participation. 

We are, or at least should be, our child’s strongest advocate and biggest fan. 

4.  Be patient for the returns

Understand first, what the short and long term benefits are of their activities. 

These could range from having fun, learning to work as a team, keeping fit and active, learning to being coachable, etc..

Not all kids are going to become Picassos or professional athletes, but there are so many other benefits to enriching their childhoods

Be ok if there is no return. Not all investments are a sure thing. As with the stock market, there is risk. 

5.  Teach your kids to invest in others

I think this is where you will find the biggest reward. If you’re a parent that has coached your child through any sport, or helped teach lessons or techniques, you know the rewarding feeling you get. 

Your children will one day invest in your grandchildren. The ripple effect of your investment into your children will continue for generations. 

We can all agree, I’m sure, that our children are worth our investment. Personally, I’m going to do a better job at ensuring my children understand that I am not just funding their activities, but rather investing in their future. 

Has this been a help to you? In what ways are you investing in your children today? 

Leave a comment below with your thoughts!

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Love languages: Are you speaking your child’s language?

In today’s social media crazed society, we are seeing more and more of an actual real social disconnect. We have hundreds of “friends”, but almost all at a superficial level. From what I have observed, this is affecting relationships at all levels, and I believe that’s it’s a result of a lack of understanding of love. 

My wife and I have been discussing a lot lately about love languages and how we each feel loved by the other. We’re improving in this area and can say with much certainty that we have a much stronger marriage after 19 years than we ever have

The last couple of weeks we’ve been talking about what our children’s love languages are, and I’m sure if you have more than one child you’ve come to the same conclusion  THEY’RE ALL DIFFERENT!!! Not only do they feel loved differently from one another, but they feel loved differently than we do. 

This week our youngest child(12) wanted to spend time with his oldest sister(18), while she watched TV. Grey’s Anatomy of all shows. I know it’s not his preferred show, but his primary love language is Quality Time. After a heated argument he left the room upset. 

Now my love language is not quality time, so it can be difficult for me to understand, but I recognized what was happening(by divine intervention I’m sure). My boy was feeling unloved in that moment, so I needed to act. 

When he went to the trampoline to wallow in his sorrow, I followed. Now trampolines can be hard on a 40 year old body, but I persisted. He talked, and talked and talked. I’m convinced, that just that 20 minute time on the trampoline filled up his love bank. 

When he realized I was tired out we came inside. Then I started talking to him in my love language ‘Acts of Service’. I made him a snack. I didn’t receive much of a thanks for it, but it was a pure expression of love to my child. 

It helps put into perspective for the times when I want to be left alone, but he is hanging by my side, or non stop chattering. He is expressing his love to me. He’s not trying to annoy me. So when I don’t receive thanks for the endless service to my children, it’s not because they don’t love me, it’s simply cause they don’t recognize it as an expression of my love. 

The five love languages by Gary Chapman are:

1. Physical touch
2. Quality time
3. Acts of service
4. Words of affirmation
5. Receiving Gifts

He’s authored several books on the matter

• The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
• 5 Love Languages of Children, The: The Secret to Loving Children Effectively
• The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace: Empowering Organizations by Encouraging People

When we recognize something as powerful as this it doesn’t just help the other, it helps you!  You begin to realize that this world’s definition of love is skewed. It is not an emotional response, but rather a continual decision to act. 

Here are 4 ways that I’ve found help develop more love in relationships. It’s working for me.!

1. Identify what your love language is

How well do you really know yourself?  Our natural inclination is to always point out external reasons why we experience hurt. Often we’ve experienced hurt from others not because of them, but sometimes because of what love language we’re filtering it through. 

2. Identify your spouse, children, friends love languages

This forces us to take our eyes of ourselves.  Despite what love language you want to speak, you will find so much reward in connecting with someone on their level. 

Selflessness is a hard discipline to practice especially in our ‘Me First’ society, but it is actually fun. 

3. Recognize when the other is loving on you

It’s so important that when you recognize what’s happening that you acknowledge it. If you’re a man, this is hard. I get it. We’re pretty dumb at times, but there will be times you clue in.  Don’t let the opportunities slip by. 

It’s such a reward when you’re aware of what’s going on, and you’ll come to realize that you’re loved more than you think. 

4. Respond with love not only in your own language, but in the others. 

The easy thing to do when loving on someone is to resort to your own preferred language, but don’t be lazy!  Put in the work to find ways that will make a difference to the one you love. 

With three kids this can present a challenge. Today we try to fit everyone into the same box. Look at our education system. We feel like we can’t give one child a gift without giving all them an equal gift, but if your child would feel more love by going on a date with their dad than by getting a new shirt, why do we doubt ourselves?

Yes, often we feel love as an emotional response, but is that really all that love is? I’m convinced that it’s more than that! Love is demonstrated through action. Daily!  

I won’t pretend to be an expert on relationships, but this is what’s working for me. 

How about you? In what ways do you love others? In what ways have you seen love from others?